My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me | By: Hilary Winston
NOTE: Before you read this, please understand. This is me letting some air out. I need this. Thank you for listening.
I knew I was going to have to talk about this at some point. This new life as an "ex" has made me feel a lot of feels. It's odd. My boyfriend of (x) amount of years has become a complete stranger in my life. This "stranger" knows more about me than my own family. Now he's a person that exists in the big world but is dead in my world. A true break up.
After a few months of reflection (post break up, it was my choice), I realized that I am not alone in this frustration. I began to read Hilary Winston's book My Boyfriend Wrote a Book About Me in hopes of finding man-hating, ex boyfriend loathing jokes, and vagina glorifying humor. Instead I realized that Hilary and I have mirrored lives. We dated the same kind of "nice guy" for way too long. Yeah... He's nice but he's a master a manipulation. A nice guy who is always turning his shortcomings into a problem that I apparently created in his life. A nice guy who is insanely afraid of commitment, yet he's too codependent to find someone more suitable. He knows how to push you away and reel you back in. A nice guy who does bad shit that he wouldn't normally do, just to push you even further away. A nice guy who waits for you to break up with him... Always. A nice guy who always says "I just want you to be happy", when he's making you so unhappy. Hilary and I shared the same experience with toxic men that don't bring enough to the table, and expect us to become a doormat, then hate us for becoming said doormat.
Don't get me wrong. I loved reading Hilary's hilarious life experiences through this healing process just as much as the next ex-girlfriend would, but something keeps pulling at me. What Hilary showed me was that my relationship with this nice guy was an important tool. It taught me to value myself and to not worry about looking for the next guy. Being single is a beautiful thing. You have time for yourself for once. Zero obligations. You never know who you are until you're by yourself.
Yeah, I don't want to be single forever, but I also don't want the search for a man to be my main objective. If a guy comes into my life, cool. He should value me and it should be a mutual effort. I'm not seriously looking though.
What a nice guy and I had was real but it was not everlasting. There's nothing wrong with that. We are allowed to fall in and out of love with people. It's all apart of the process. Just promise to not give up on the process. Don't give yourself a timeline for the process. Realize that the process is worth it. It's hard, but it's in our nature. Just take a breath.
P.S. While you have that breath, go on Bumble, Tinder, etc. Have fun. There's a chance that a guy named Meth will "super like" you!
Happy Valentine's Day.